If the “Mommy Wars” Were Real: Part 2

The Helicopter Mom vs. The Sanctimommy

Round 1:  Helicopter Mom’s kid had good intents, he was going to make the first move but trips over his own feet – Helicopter Mom probably should have been holding his hand. She immediately demands a restart. Sanctimommy counters with a self-serving statement about how she was so busy making sure her child knew how to strike the proper defensive stance, she didn’t realize the fight had even started, just like she hadn’t realized she hasn’t showered in over 48 hours or that low-rise jeans are no longer cool; seriously, her kid has just sucked the life right out of her!

Round 2:  Not to be outdone, Helicopter Mom appears to commiserate, talking about how hard it was to supervise every moment of her kid’s schooling, constantly intervening every time some idiot teacher didn’t recognize the genius her child was demonstrating – even if it was demonstrated through graffiti and expletives. Meanwhile, her child is tagging expletives on Sanctimommy’s minivan.

Sanctimommy climbs atop her pedestal, and begins to deliver a speech worthy of an Oscar acceptance. “I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for recognizing all of my hard work and dedication for the betterment of my children…” As Helicopter Mom’s eyes begin to glaze over, Sanctimommy surprises with a Diving Back Elbow Drop and pins Helicopter Mom to the mat.

Round 3:  The proudest moment of Helicopter Mom’s life occurs as her kid swoops in to save the day, delivering a Humble Pie to Sanctimommy’s face.

Sanctimommy is left speechless for the first time in her life and Helicopter Mom is declared the undisputed winner.


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