If the “Mommy Wars” Were Real: Part 2


The Helicopter Mom vs. The Sanctimommy

Round 1:  Helicopter Mom’s kid had good intents, he was going to make the first move but trips over his own feet – Helicopter Mom probably should have been holding his hand. She immediately demands a restart. Sanctimommy counters with a self-serving statement about how she was so busy making sure her child knew how to strike the proper defensive stance, she didn’t realize the fight had even started, just like she hadn’t realized she hasn’t showered in over 48 hours or that low-rise jeans are no longer cool; seriously, her kid has just sucked the life right out of her!

Round 2:  Not to be outdone, Helicopter Mom appears to commiserate, talking about how hard it was to supervise every moment of her kid’s schooling, constantly intervening every time some idiot teacher didn’t recognize the genius her child was demonstrating – even if it was demonstrated through graffiti and expletives. Meanwhile, her child is tagging expletives on Sanctimommy’s minivan.

Sanctimommy climbs atop her pedestal, and begins to deliver a speech worthy of an Oscar acceptance. “I just wanted to take this opportunity to thank you for recognizing all of my hard work and dedication for the betterment of my children…” As Helicopter Mom’s eyes begin to glaze over, Sanctimommy surprises with a Diving Back Elbow Drop and pins Helicopter Mom to the mat.

Round 3:  The proudest moment of Helicopter Mom’s life occurs as her kid swoops in to save the day, delivering a Humble Pie to Sanctimommy’s face.

Sanctimommy is left speechless for the first time in her life and Helicopter Mom is declared the undisputed winner.


I am not a foodie.


I don’t think I’ll make it a habit to share recipes here. I am not a foodie – I have four kids – ain’t nobody got time for that! <> (I won’t insert a meme here because I don’t want to deal with copyright issues, but you know what I mean, right?)

But I just made something delicious, and its taking all my self restraint not to eat it all gone and save some for the kids. If the kids like it as much as I do, then I’ll feel like I just hit the jackpot!

roasted chickpeas

So easy, so delicious.

All I did was open a can of chick peas (garbanzo beans), strain and rinse them, rub them dry with a dish cloth (a paper towel would work, but I dream of being zero waste so I opted for an option that wasn’t disposable *pats self on back*). I swished them around a bowl with a little olive oil, a spray of Bragg’s amino acids, and a sprinkle of salt and pepper. Then I poured them on a baking sheet and put them in the oven. I preheated it to 420 (because I used to smoke pot and I liked it) but after about 15 minutes, I was worried they would overcook and I dialed it back to 350. Another 10 minutes and I was crunching away on a salty snack that I am only avoiding by typing this blog.

What else can I say about the deliciousness I just made? If I don’t talk some more about it, I won’t be able to let my kids try it because I will have eaten them all?!?! I will probably go to bed in the spirit of preserving this yummy snack for my children.


P.S. Google “roasted chick peas” if you want a more seasoned foodies perspective on this snack…